Imperfection strikes again


I blew it.  I didn’t blog yesterday.  I’ve run up against the biggest obstacles I have in my life: my unrelenting perfectionism and my apparently hard-wired need to take on more than I can do.

Having goals can be dangerous for me.  I have no earthly clue how to set a reasonable one.  I expect I can create extra time in the day, extra energy out of dust.  The truth is that I have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone else.  I, too, need to sleep sometime.  I got so tired the other night that I was babbling incoherently.  I just needed a “down time” day.  So I took one yesterday, and here was what I did:

Got up early, ate a donut, wrote copy for radio show, taped radio show, went to Costco, ate a hot dog, ran into town to get my mail, put away the groceries, stopped by Best Buy to look for a computer, shopped for a laptop on Ebay, found one, obsessed about whether this was the right decision,  meditated with my new Auralite crystal (which is a huge deal and worthy of its own blog).

It’s now 2pm.  Having eaten crap for food, I feel like…well… crap.  My vision of painting the master bath fades as I collapse into my chair and turn on the TV.  I went to bed after eating some Chinese food and watching Revenge of the Nerds with my roommate.  Didn’t blog.  Woke up feeling guilty about this and wondering if I should let it go.  Throw in the towel because I said I would do this every day and didn’t.

Insights this morning:

I can write again today.  Today is all I have; yesterday’s over.

I have written more in the past week than in the past year.  It’s nice, and I like the way it feels.  I think I’ll do more of it.

I can always choose to start again.

I have been spending all my time nurturing my spiritual and intellectual self while ignoring my body.  I want to bring my body up to speed and find a non-punishing way to do this.
My “down day” was anything but relaxing.  What good is it to veg out if all I do is think about what I’m not doing and feel guilty about being unproductive?  Still have some learning to do about being present NOW.

Now I need to hit the shower running and go to a workshop that I manifested the money for.  I’m very excited to be expanding my horizons.  My inner critics, while not exactly bound and gagged, are relatively silent this morning.  It’s going to be a great day!

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~ by dancingwiththeshadow on November 10, 2012.

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