Changes in the wind…

•February 4, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been silent on this forum as I concentrated on building my business.  The learning experiences have not stopped.  I’ve started blogging at http://www.soultosoulconnections.com.  Feel free to check it out and subscribe there if you wish.

My friends get after me all the time because I start doing new things and don’t talk about them. I began offering customized one on one work and wanted to forward you the short description. Please keep it in mind in case you or anyone you might run across is interested in making profound, deep changes.  I’m scheduling freebie healings as a first step to make sure I’d be a good fit for anyone interested.

Every animal I have worked with has made it very clear that they are in our lives to help us learn and evolve.  Almost every issue an animal companion faces mirrors a similar struggle their human is facing.  Animal communication is one tool I use in healing work, but there are several other tools in my kit.  This year, I’m expanding my business to work one on one with a select few people to help them identify and transcend their limitations so they can live more authentic, radically honest and joyful lives.

My clients are brave, badass, spiritually awakening, intuitive trailblazers and independent thinkers who are tired of settling for less than 100% of what they want from life. They’re ready to unleash their magic into the world. They are ballsy, successful men and women who have worked ridiculously hard to build their rich lives, often by utilizing someone else’s cookie cutter formulas. And yet, there are still struggles- so they seek answers. They are tired of everything being so HARD.

My clients are weary of chasing the illusion of security through the wrong job, the wrong relationships, or obtaining STUFF; they want MORE. They may unconsciously be sabotaging themselves or want a deeper way to connect with self and others. They may feel isolated or relentlessly driven by perfectionism. They want even more passion, FUN, love, peace, freedom, joy, connection, or authentic intimacy. Want to become more comfortable in your own skin as you walk confidently and gently into your own power? I can help you with that.

This one on one work is 100% customizable and will include energy work, shamanic healing sessions, fire painting, messages from animals, and intuitive guidance- WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU!!   Distance is no issue; I work with people all over the country.

If this speaks to you, touches your heart, or ignites a fire in your belly, I want to hear from you. This is deep work requiring commitment of time, effort and resources. If you think it might be for you, please contact me so we can set aside some time (free of charge) to talk about possibilities.

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When great things happen…. to other people

•March 27, 2013 • 2 Comments

I am awash in this sea of emotion this morning.  As is my style, I’m going to process it through words.  I found out yesterday that someone in the same line of work as I got a wonderful opportunity and is moving toward negotiating a television show.  This is someone in my circle of friends who does good work, has a good heart, and has steadily improved her business since I have known her.  She has achieved goals in her business that I have not yet achieved.  And I have fought long and hard not to compare my success with hers.  This is a fight I lost yesterday.

My emotional response to this news was not exactly stellar.  Now, I really want to wish this person the very best- she has her path and I have mine (and I have not been a fan of my own path lately).  I want to hope that good things come to her, because I want to TRULY believe that there is enough goodness, success, business, etc for ALL of us.  I want to be excited for her.

But there is a part of me- a wounded gremlin of an inner child- that reacted a very different way.  That gremlin has been driving my bus for about 24 hours, and I’m getting tired of the ride.  I’m pretty sure this wounded gremlinchild is the inner child of Fred the Mosher.  You remember Fred, right?  Fred is the rageaholic who smashes everything in his path.  I did some major work with Fred awhile back, and it appears that I paved the way for discovering this soft center of Fred.   This child and all it represents is the root of my rage.

When I heard this wonderful news for this person in my circle of acquaintances, the jury spoke up.  “YOU don’t have a TV show.  You’re never gonna have a TV show.”  (It is ludicrously irrelevant to me in this sea of emotion that I don’t think I even WANT a TV show…I take this inner chatter to heart as I have for many years)  “YOU are busting your ass and have nothing to show for it.  YOU are still scraping along, trying to cover your basic expenses.  Scrambling like a cockroach trying to make a living, scared all the time that something will come along to upset the delicate balance of your existence.”  Senior Fuckholio has resurfaced.  And he has absolutely perfected that self-fulfilling prophecy thing.  Those somethings that I fear have been showing up in my life.  Every time I think I am finally pulling out of a black hole, some weird disaster happens, and the extra cash I accumulated goes POOF!  Many of the things I need to advance my business are financially related right now (luxurious things like rent, food, utilities- not to mention fees for entry into professional events).  After Senior F got ahold of me, we were off to the races.  I was hanging out with Renfield the Saboteur and Chet the competitive asshole.  For the past 24 hours, I have been comparing my path to someone else’s.  Nothing good ever comes of this.

Senior F, Renfield and Chet completed the formation of the holy trinity of bullshit and have robbed me of my spirit and joy.  Renfield chimed in with “What’s the use?  You have been beating your head against the wall and nothing like this will EVER happen to you.  It is hopeless.  Why do you waste your time?  This has all been for nothing.  You have nothing to show for the last two years of effort.  You can’t even figure out who your target market is for your business.  Give up already- this is painful to watch and you’re embarrassing yourself.”   Once Renfield and Senior F get going, the gremlinchild that I have never noticed before, that I have ignored and feared- the child that has flown under my internal radar, much like I learned to do in my family of origin- pulls up in a tight, black little ball, eyes screwed shut and wailing, the literal picture of unrelenting agony and shame.  Devoid of all hope.  Unable to allow itself to even dream that anything will ever turn out okay.  This child’s existence IS pain.  It doesn’t even have a name.  It has no real identity of its own.  It’s barely breathing, and with each exhale, there is a horrible groan of pain.    There is so much sadness around this new player.  The stronger parts of me, when forced to look at it, are disgusted by its aching need.  It wails, oblivious to who hears.  It demands to be heard.  It demands to be acknowledged as it goes about the business of utterly giving up.  Of dying.  This is a child that KNOWS that there will never be enough anything- love, money, friends, even air.  This child believes it deserves nothing; that it comes utterly last in line for every resource needed to stay alive.  This child has been beaten, bulled, and above all, forgotten.  How DARE it make noise and call attention to itself, even in its final moments of life.  How DARE it exist at all?

Even this show of pain and surrender is not enough to get the holy trinity of bullshit to let up.  Chet actively speaks up, going in for the kill.  “Who are you kidding?  Things will NEVER get better for you.  You are still indentured to someone else in a job that robs you of your energy and sucks your soul dry.  You exhaust yourself for someone else’s business and have nothing left at the end of the day for your own survival.  You are doing it all WRONG and you LOSE.  Are you too stupid to get it? Nothing good will ever happen to you.  You will never be successful.  Never.  You have no discipline to do the things you know you need to in order to change.  You’re a waste of space.  What the fuck is WRONG with you?  You disgust me.  You’re a fucking loser, and you’re always going to be a fucking loser.  Why don’t you just lay down and die?”

Aren’t these guys awesome?  Goddamned bullies.  Talk about kick you when you’re down.

“ENOUGH!!!!!!!”

This is another new voice.  Holy shit, it scares the hell out of me and surprises the holy trinity into silence.    I’m not even sure where this voice comes from yet- another undiscovered part of me.  The strength and authority of it rings through my ears.   This new voice is pure life force energy.  I don’t know its form or its name.  I can FEEL it.  I can FEEL its power.  I have no relationship with this new player either.  This has been a very interesting couple of days.  This life force energy surrounds that weeping, wounded gremlinchild, insulating it from the venom of the holy trinity of bullshit.  The energy cradles that child, providing the only comforting sensation the child has ever really known.  It will take some time to develop a relationship with these new players.  To allow that life force energy to heal that child.  To save its life.  To give it a name.  To return its hope and its ability to dream.  To change its beliefs.

I firmly believe that the gremlinchild is the powerful source of many of my limiting beliefs about success and money.  I believe this entire uncomfortable experience happened to show me both of these new facets of myself.  To pull the curtain back and get me to look at this dying child.  To step up to save it.  Yet another layer of shadow work, deeper and more crucial than what I have done before.

Out of the most horrendously uncomfortable emotional experiences can come these glimmers of light.  Opportunities to grow and to move forward.  Opportunities to learn to comfort and nurture myself so I can become the person I am meant to be.  I’m both grateful and apprehensive that this recent emotional roller coaster of jealousy and resentment that unearthed this new layer of possibilities.

Imperfection strikes again

•November 10, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I blew it.  I didn’t blog yesterday.  I’ve run up against the biggest obstacles I have in my life: my unrelenting perfectionism and my apparently hard-wired need to take on more than I can do.

Having goals can be dangerous for me.  I have no earthly clue how to set a reasonable one.  I expect I can create extra time in the day, extra energy out of dust.  The truth is that I have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone else.  I, too, need to sleep sometime.  I got so tired the other night that I was babbling incoherently.  I just needed a “down time” day.  So I took one yesterday, and here was what I did:

Got up early, ate a donut, wrote copy for radio show, taped radio show, went to Costco, ate a hot dog, ran into town to get my mail, put away the groceries, stopped by Best Buy to look for a computer, shopped for a laptop on Ebay, found one, obsessed about whether this was the right decision,  meditated with my new Auralite crystal (which is a huge deal and worthy of its own blog).

It’s now 2pm.  Having eaten crap for food, I feel like…well… crap.  My vision of painting the master bath fades as I collapse into my chair and turn on the TV.  I went to bed after eating some Chinese food and watching Revenge of the Nerds with my roommate.  Didn’t blog.  Woke up feeling guilty about this and wondering if I should let it go.  Throw in the towel because I said I would do this every day and didn’t.

Insights this morning:

I can write again today.  Today is all I have; yesterday’s over.

I have written more in the past week than in the past year.  It’s nice, and I like the way it feels.  I think I’ll do more of it.

I can always choose to start again.

I have been spending all my time nurturing my spiritual and intellectual self while ignoring my body.  I want to bring my body up to speed and find a non-punishing way to do this.
My “down day” was anything but relaxing.  What good is it to veg out if all I do is think about what I’m not doing and feel guilty about being unproductive?  Still have some learning to do about being present NOW.

Now I need to hit the shower running and go to a workshop that I manifested the money for.  I’m very excited to be expanding my horizons.  My inner critics, while not exactly bound and gagged, are relatively silent this morning.  It’s going to be a great day!

Oh boy

•November 8, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I committed to blog every day in the month of November.  I’m wondering if I’ve lost my mind.  If I have a lovely tranquil morning, I can post before I start my day.  It worked great for a few days.

The past two days morphed into  this giant, sucking vortex that has stolen all my “me” time.  W the absolute F….

I can barely keep my eyes open and it’s only 9:30pm.  I wonder if yesterday’s post even made any sense.  I don’t think I proofread it.  It was a total stream of consciousness kind of thing.  Kind of like right now.  I can usually find SOMETHING to say, but I find myself running out of words and being too tired to give a fuck about anything except the underside of my comforter.

I feel like I’m five again and can’t keep my eyes open in the car on the way home from grandma’s house.  I am so excited about the many wonderful things happening in my life right now, but I couldn’t list them if my life depended on it.  In the past, I would drink some coffee thing or eat a bunch of sugar and enter that manic state that enabled me to be profound.  Not anymore.  I’m going to try to give my body what it needs and crash.  Check back tomorrow, and I promise to be so profound I might make your eyeballs bleed from the sheer joy of reading my amazing opinions about something that I care about very deeply.  What that something might be, I have no idea.  It will be a lovely surprise for both of us.

Dealing with darkness

•November 7, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I sometimes forget that other people don’t share my gifts. I’m extremely intuitive with both animals and people, so I need to “shut things down” and reduce the amount of stimuli I get on a daily basis.  I have to protect myself from my own perceptions if I want to function.  When I meet someone new, I sometimes meet their dark nature first. That’s just where my perception goes- to the parts that they are most desperately trying to hide. That first impression of someone else’s hidden nature can show up before I can draw the curtains on it.

It’s not polite, professional or ethical to go poking around in people’s heads without permission.  I never do it intentionally.  I’ve had to learn psychic manners.  I’ve also become more comfortable in my own skin and with doing shadow work.   I have occasionally caught a glimpse of something seriously and dangerously dysfunctional.  I’m glad that doesn’t happen often.  True dark energy might make me a little uncomfortable, but I forget that it can really freak other people out.

My normal is not really anyone else’s normal.  Big surprise there, eh?

I guess I don’t mind working with the darkness because it no longer scares me.  I don’t judge it anymore; it makes me curious.  I wonder what’s underneath those less socially acceptable “not nice” impulses.  In my quest to understand my own emotional nature, I dig deeply into the nature of humans.  I accept the anger, fear, trauma, and pain as a valid part of a being’s experience. I don’t shy away or cover my eyes from the terrible things that people have the potential to do.

When I work with animals, I get an even bigger dose of reality.  Humans lost in their dark nature can do horrible things to animals.  An important part of helping an animal heal from trauma is to give their stories a voice.  It’s not fun to see or feel or describe an animal being thrown out of a moving car, set on fire or beaten by a human.    I often have to interpret these things for sensitive, well-meaning people who can be traumatized by my very words.  I try to relate these things as matter-of-factly as possible, and it might come across as blase.  Please don’t ever feel like I’m not affected.  I have sometimes hung up the phone or come home after an event to weep for the wounded ones in the fur of my own companion animals.   While I don’t hold onto this energy, I do feel it as it slams its way through me.

I am a lightworker.  I know many other lightworkers, and most of them are uncomfortable doing shadow work.  I have a unique set of talents that enable me to come through the telling of these stories relatively unscathed.  I’m a very strong and sensitive individual.  There are days I wish I didn’t have my “gifts.”  I do, however, feel this is my calling.  I CAN do this work and therefore have an obligation to illuminate the dark corners and drag those dark stories into the light so their power can fade.

Quit yer bitchin’ and DO something about it!

•November 6, 2012 • 1 Comment

Presidential election years are, by their very nature, filled with contention.  They sometimes get ugly.  This year has been no exception.  Issues like civil rights for gay Americans and female Americans tend to fire folks up.  The issue of abortion has fired people up ever since the wall of silence came down with Roe v. Wade and we started talking about the existence of abortion in public.  I’ve noticed one positive thing about this year’s Presidential race.  It has stirred up more people, prodded them from their apathetic stupor, and gotten them in the game.

Maybe it’s because of the current state of our economy.  It might be because of politics affecting personal situations- we Americans prefer our global issues to be in some other country, and lately they’ve struck a little too close to home.  People are scared, and it’s perfectly understandable.  The very fabric of our society has been changing slowly for years, and those changes have been happening faster recently.  Frankly, the only ones who will survive and thrive are those flexible enough to adapt to change.

I can literally FEEL a huge energetic shift coming on the heels of this election- no matter who wins.  The first thing necessary for surviving and thriving is for a person to be PAYING ATTENTION to what’s happening around them.  Some will adapt while others cringe in fear and point their fingers at those who disagree with them about politics.  And the trailblazers will emerge from the adaptable group.  I don’t believe that our country can keep clinging to the traditional “American dream” of my parents and grandparents.  Too much has changed.  I believe that American Dream needs to be refined.

What’s your American Dream?  Seriously- I want to know.  Post it as a comment or email it to me.

My American Dream consists in part of the following things:

-equal rights and freedoms for everyone, including things like marriage and health care

-an atmosphere of tolerant respectfulness for those with different opinions

-a chance for everyone to make a living, and people encouraged to embrace the personal responsibilities that go along with that

-our government encouraging those able in the community to support the less fortunate, not by providing for them indefinitely, but by teaching them to fish during this upcoming transition

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but you get the idea,  Hippie peace freak utopia?  Kinda sorta.  Some people would say yes, but please don’t judge.  Many of my friends would disagree with me, and I still love them and respect their right to make up their own minds about what to believe. I have shaken my head at many a political Facebook post, but I haven’t lost ant friends over the election.  Not yet, anyway.

I think we can stay strong as a nation if we stay flexible.  I don’t think we have to be terrified about what’s coming, but we have to be aware.  Please pay attention.  Stand up for what you believe, no matter what that is.  And for your own sake, please get off your ass and vote today if you haven’t already.  Apathy is a luxury we can no longer afford.

The undisputable power of sexy underwear

•November 5, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I did something last week that I feel a little conflicted about.

 

First, I have to talk for a moment about the concept of sexy underwear.  For some reason, I hate the word “panties.”  It makes me cringe.  But everybody out there knows which items in your underwear drawer are sexy and which are not.  Our partners wish we’d wear more of it, and most women know that when we wear it, things CHANGE.  The comfy cotton everyday stuff  is not inherently sexy.  It’s comfortable, and it gets the job done.  Unless you are already super sexy yourself, this underwear isn’t liable to make any hearts race.  Then there are the items made of special slinky fabrics.  The ones that may be lacy or wispy and just hint at the idea of being there at all.  Or, God forbid, the dreaded thong (also known as “butt floss”).  When a woman chooses to wear sexy underwear, it can change her whole outlook.  (Butt floss can do this literally) It makes you FEEL desirable and special and vivacious and a little more glamorous.  For those of us that get stuck sometimes on the functionality of life, sexy underwear can shake things up and stir up passion and enthusiasm for any number of things.  It’s like magic.

 

I envy women who can pull this off every day.  I find the power and phenomenon of sexy underwear to be something I can only indulge in under certain circumstances.  Historically, only when someone else will see it and I’m in the mood to flaunt.  It’s just too powerful.   Since I’m not currently in a relationship, what sexy underwear I own is shoved to the back of the drawer in a tumbled pile, patiently waiting for me to choose to feel more alive again.  Ever try to fold sexy underwear?  There’s not really enough if it, and the activity is kind of an exercise in futility.

 

I haven’t had a sexy underwear day in a long time.  I don’t feel particularly sexy these days.  My life is rolling along with obligations, to do lists and demands on my time.  I frankly have little time for sexy.  But sexy underwear has some comic book hero-type power.  I know this because I experienced it when I ran out of clean laundry last week.

 

It’s very sad to confess to this.  But I HAD to wear sexy underwear, because it was the only option that was clean.  I have never in my life mustered sufficient bravado to go commando.  I was shocked and appalled that I had none of my regular, old faithful cotton stuff available.  I went thru the pile to find the least sexy pair of panties (cringe) I own.  I pulled everything out of the drawer to make sure I didn’t have one last pair of functional skivvies hiding under the jumbled pile, dreaming of being something more while hanging out with the cool underwear.  I rolled my eyes at what I was about to do, and then got dressed.

 

And everything changed.  I did not feel sexy, per se.  I did feel energized and more alive.  I felt vivacious and confident and more THERE.  Wearing the sexy underwear just made me feel more ME.  More passionate, creative and alive.  Everything felt brighter and clearer.  It was a little unsettling until I asked myself why I waited so long.  Why wait until I’m in another relationship to feel this way?  Why should the focus be on feeling “sexy” only if there is another person around who’s aware of what I’m wearing?  I want to feel this way for ME, not for me in relation to someone else.   And if I can do it simply by donning some sexy underwear, there’s no reason to wait.  I can declare every day a Sexy Underwear Day!  How long has it been since you donned the sexy underwear just for you?    Give it a try.  I think you’ll like it.